Focused Distractions

Today's letter is D

D is for DART. No, not the kind you throw. The kind that are in your clothes. Sorry guys. It's a sewing term: Noun: a tapered tuck made in dressmaking

I have some great online friends whom I only get to see once a year at the ADDA conference (hi Jeri and Peggy). We were talking about sewing and how they both were proficient at this activity in their youth, but had abandoned it because well....who has the time?

So I got to thinking about my own experience with sewing. Which is a joke. My first, other than learning how to sew on buttons, was in middle school (ok, Junior High back in those days) when I was forced to take Home Ec. That included sewing. I came to the class completely inexperienced. ALL the other girls knew how to thread a machine. I didn't even know what a bobbin was (to this day, I thought they were called bobbers. Note: my husband is a fisherman).

At any rate, as the other girls were completing their 5th or 8th gorgeous outfits, I was still stuck on the first: a simple A-line navy blue skirt with ONE zipper and ONE button. I couldn't even cut the pattern out because my fine motor skills were pretty sad and the darn tracing paper wouldn't stay where I'd pinned it.

Luckily, the teacher took pity on me and paired me up with a buddy, who basically did just about everything for me. I finally gave up on the zipper, let alone a BUTTON HOLE.

But darts? What the hell was that all about? You sew a line into the fabric? To make it pinch funny? I have no clue. I did pass with a D, so I guess this D entry has dual purpose.

Does anyone want to hear my cooking story in 9th Grade Home Ec?

Terry

Our large city newspaper, the Detroit Free Press, ran a nice article on me and my book, Surival Tips for Women with AD/HD. I'm not sure how long the link to it will work, so I'm going to copy the article here. Yikes, I hope I don't get into trouble with the newspaper police.

The paper copy had a lot of photos but the online version did not. I think the writer, Pat Anstett did a great job, as did photographer, Regina Boone. Thanks guys! Here's the link: http://www.freep.com/news/health/adhd28e_20050428.htm 

...and here's the text:

ATTENTION, PLEASE: Birmingham's Terry Matlen helps women deal with the
chaos of AD/HD, a disorder she shares

April 28, 2005

BY PATRICIA ANSTETT FREE PRESS MEDICAL WRITER

"What's wrong with me?" Terry Matlen often asked herself in her early
days of motherhood.

Terry Matlen offers AD/HD survival tips for women 7:30-9 p.m. Monday

A discussion for teens with AD/HD will take place at the same time.

Way Elementary School 765 W. Long Lake Rd. West Bloomfield

248-988-6716 www.eocc.homestead.com.cqanstett

Five tips for people with AD/HD and ADD # Learn to say no. Or say,
"Let me think about it and get back to you."

# Organize and describe outfits on 3-by-5 cards if you have the "I
can't find anything to wear" problem.

# Remember chores by assigning specific duties to a specific day of
the week.

# Stay on task by cleaning a room in clockwise, or counter-clockwise,
fashion.

# Keep a notebook at your side, even in the home, to jot messages,
names you forget easily and other details. By Patricia Anstett

GET HELP ONLINE Here are Internet resources for those with Attention-
Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder or Attention-Deficit Disorder:

# www.addconsults.com, Terry Matlen's AD/HD-ADD site.

# www.addmireablewomen.com, resources and chat groups.

# www.sarisolden.com, forums, books and resources from Ann Arbor-based
ADD author, Sari Solden.

# www.addvance.com, articles, books and resources from Dr. Patricia
Quinn and Dr. Kathleen Nadeau.

# www.ncgiadd.org/resources, from the National Center for Gender
Issues and AD/HD.

"I wanted children so badly, but I was miserable," says Matlen, now
51, recalling the overwhelming emotions she felt raising two adopted
daughters. They are now 20 and 17.

Family bills and laundry piled up. They were ignored.

Juggling her children's school, medical and recreational schedules
overwhelmed her.

Meal planning, even finding an item in the refrigerator, was a
frustrating chore.

If these problems sound familiar, you, like Matlen, may have AD/HD or
ADD, twin disorders known as Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder
and Attention-Deficit Disorder.

Hyperactivity -- or a lack of inhibition -- is the hallmark symptom of
AD/HD, which is slightly more common in men.

Disorganization and inattentiveness are common symptoms of ADD --
AD/HD without hyperactivity -- which is more common in women.

Matlen, a licensed clinical social worker who runs an Internet-based
AD/HD-ADD consulting business from her Birmingham home
(www.addconsults.com), has amassed years of practical information in a
new book to help adult women with AD/HD and ADD overcome
procrastination, low self esteem, paperwork pile-up, household
malfunctions, meal planning chaos, shopping stress and more.

"Survival tips for Women with AD/HD: Beyond Piles, Palms & Post-Its"
(Specialty Press Inc., $17.95; www.addwarehouse.com) is a 336-page
resource guide. It addresses problems that too often are the undoing
of women whose brains are wired a little differently.

AD/HD-ADD experts William Barbaresi, a Mayo Clinic pediatrician in
Rochester, Minn., and Russell Barkley, a psychiatrist at the
University of Massachusetts Medical School, say at least 5 million
American women have AD/HD and ADD and millions more remain
undiagnosed. The surprise, they say, is that so many women continue to
struggle with the problem, never asking, never telling. For that
reason, women's AD/HD and ADD are often described as a "hidden
epidemic."

"I've been in this field a long time, and I can't find a better term
to describe all the women still hiding in the closet," says Matlen,
who is beginning a round of public speaking to promote her new book.

She will discuss survival tips for women with AD/HD and ADD at 7:30
p.m. Monday at Way Elementary School, 765 W. Long Lake Rd., West
Bloomfield.

She also will address the annual conference of the Attention Deficit
Disorder Association (ADDA) May 13 in Tucson, Ariz.

A life-changing moment

A talented musician and painter, Matlen has college degrees in art
education and clinical social work. But as a young mother, she was too
busy to take pride in those achievements. All she did was chide
herself for being a disorganized procrastinator.

At age 36, she acknowledged her own attention problems after her
younger daughter, Mackenzie, was diagnosed with AD/HD, one of several
problems that appeared after she developed seizures from a severe
reaction to childhood immunizations when she was 16 months old, Matlen
says.

Once Matlen owned up to her own ADD, "my whole life changed," she
says.

Helped by medicine and self-help groups, she became active in
southeast Michigan and national AD/HD-ADD groups, including the ADDA
and Children and Adults with ADD (CHADD). She now sits on the ADDA's
board of directors, is past coordinator of CHADD of Eastern Oakland
County and is busy with numerous special education groups in the
Birmingham area.

Dr. Joel Young, a Rochester Hills psychiatrist and adult-ADD
specialist, frequently refers clients to Matlen for organizational
help. He believes counseling compliments AD/HD-ADD medicines, which
now come in long-lasting doses and cause fewer side effects, such as
insomnia, he says.

"It's important to develop a support system and to delegate...," he
adds.

Matlen hires people to help her organize the chaos, as well as to help
with bigger challenges. Twice, she has hired professionals for jobs
like organizing the closet in her office. A cleaning crew arrives once
a week to pick up the piles in her household. She also employs a high
school senior as a companion for Mackenzie, a sophomore at
Birmingham's Groves High School, helping her with challenging
behavioral and cognitive problems.

Organizing and sharing

Matlen also recommends hiring one of the growing number of AD/HD-ADD
coaches who devise solutions to troublesome problems.

"It's sort of like having another brain," she says.

Her consulting business links people to these resources anywhere in
the world. She answers simple e-mails free, but charges $100 for more
in-depth consultations by telephone or e-mail. Often, one session is
enough, she says.

Part of the solution is getting family members and spouses to
understand that people with AD/HD and ADD have a brain disorder, a
delicate chemical imbalance in the brain that causes them to be the
way they are, she says.

"A lot of spouses feel angry and put out, because they feel it's
almost like having another child," she says. While men with AD/HD and
ADD sometimes hook up with detail-minded women or secretaries who
organize minutiae for them, women often are stuck with household
details that drive them crazy, she says.

"So much is expected of women in our society today," she says.

In her household, she and Jerry, her husband of nearly 27 years and an
orthopedic surgeon, divide responsibilities. He's the family's Mr. Fix
It, the breakfast maker and the one who picks up carryout meals. He's
also very organized, so he often tackles jobs such as figuring out a
better system for the home's laundry room. Other household duties fall
to her.

To cope with difficult chores, find understanding friends and barter
with them, exchanging work you loathe for chores you enjoy, Terry
Matlen says.

Also, learn to lower your expectations, she advises. She tries, for
example, to have a cleaner first floor in her house. She more readily
accepts a messy office upstairs.

Spending a few hours with her elicits other tips. She walks around her
home with a stenographer's notebook, jotting reminders about phone
messages, doctor appointments, book-related duties and other
responsibilities that might be forgotten.

She's big on calendars, chalkboards, plastic bins, index cards and
alarm clocks set as reminders to begin dinner or other chores.

A night owl, another typical ADD trait, she winds down with cable TV
shows on food and biographies.

"I'm evil in the morning," she says. "I call it morning psychosis."

Now free of self-loathing, Matlen appears wise, helpful and laid-back.
When daughter Mackenzie announces her presence with a loud, "I'm
home," Matlen only smiles.

Within minutes, spoons and two glasses are left in the once-clean
kitchen.

It's only a little clutter.

Matlen learned to live with that a long time ago.

Contact PATRICIA ANSTETT at 313-222-5021 or anstett@freepress.com.

Ok, I'm cheating. I'm adding another C to my ADD Dictionary.

Do you do your best thinking in the shower? I do. And at midnight when I should be asleep. Anyway, I was thinking about a conversation I'd heard or read (who can remembe?) about canning. That sparked an entry I wanted to share in my blog:

C is for Canning: v: To preserve by putting in sealed cans

In my world, "canning" refers to taking food OUT of cans to make meals. WHY would someone use all that energy to put food back INTO cans?

Just a random thought on a Friday afternoon-

Terry

Today's letter is C.

C is for CHAOS.

CHAOS: Any confused or disordered collection or state of things; a confused mixture; confusion; disorder.

Terry's definition:

• My daughter's closet. No, not yours Kate. Your sister's.
• How I feel in malls and grocery stores. Why is it that these environments throw me for a loop, yet I can be perfectly happy in mid-town Manhattan?
• How my mind feels while packing for a trip. But for about 2 weeks prior to it, too. Choosing what to pack is like higher math for me. Impossible.
• Having people over for dinner. Whether it's 3 or 30.
• Post-its. They are the best things ever invented and the worst things ever invented.
• Eye exams. Am I the only one whose brain shuts down when trying to decide if "1" is better than "2"?

...and I'm sure there's more. But I'm heading down to the studio to fine tune the song I'm playing at the ADDA Conference Talent Show. You ARE going to be there, right? Didn't register? C'mon- click here. Now!

Forgive me this indulgence, but periodically, I'll be posting urls of websites that strike me as interesting, unusual or otherwise worthy of sharing even if they don't have anything to do with AD/HD.

Here's one that details hundreds and hundreds of photos taken by airline passengers of the food they were offered during their flights. Ok, silly. But...interesting in a wacky kind of way.

Airline Meals

Terry

Hi again,

Today's letter is B.

B is for BORED.

Dictionary.com's definition: Bored: adj 1: tired of the world; "bored with life"; "strolled through the museum with a bored air" [syn: world-weary] 2: uninterested because of frequent exposure or indulgence; "his blase indifference"; "a petulent blase air".

Terry's definition: A state of being for someone with ADD when they cannot transition QUICKLY to an activity of their choice.

Things that bore me:

• TV (excluding Biography, The Food Channel, HGTV and the weather station during tornado weather)
• Most power point presentations
• Following directions on a box
• Chit chat (unless there's  some pretty good dirt being dished out)
• Opera. Does that mean I'm not cultured?
• Seeing a movie more than once. Wait, I really can't handle that at all.
• Reading a book more than once. Ditto.
• Long car rides.
• Jay Leno
• Politics
• Clothes shopping. Black, just give me black clothes. No decisions to make...
• Salad. But a necessity these days. Menopause stinks.
• Oldies radio stations
• Talking on the phone. If I can't see the mouth, I can't stick with the conversation.
• Religious services
• Economics
• Sewing
• Milk
• When people don't get to the point, though hey, I'm often guilty of doing just that.

And you know there's more. Got some you'd like to share? I'd like to hear about them.

Terry

Greetings.

I thought I'd periodically add to my new ADD Encyclopedia of ADD. Who knows what will pop out? I'm just going for the ride-

Today's letter is A

A is for AD/HD (of course). Some call it an affiliction, a disorder, a patholgy. Others call it a gift, or maybe a brain difference (not bad, not good- just....different). I call it a subjective, inconsistant pain in the ass. Because some days it's the greatest thing in the world. Other days, it's well...it's one hell of a challenge.

Let me give you an example of each.

When I'm having a good ADD day, I may come up with 5 new grand ideas- maybe an idea for a painting springs to mind. Or a song I've wanted to write. Or (ok this IS stretching it, but it SOMETIMES happens) an idea for a new recipe. These are good things.

The ADD day from hell is trying to implement some of these great ideas (sorry, no spell checker here and I find I always mis-spell implement, so forgive me). The great song gets started but I don't have the patience to find a tape recorder. After playing the song 5 times, I've forgotten it. It's history.

The painting idea disappears because I know that once I step into the studio, I'm drifting into another reality zone for 3 hours and heck, I don't always plan on having a 3 hour chunk of time available on a whim. The idea skips out of my brain forever.

People have asked me whether, if there was a choice in the matter, would I get rid of my ADD. I know many folks would scream YES in a heartbeat. But y'know, for me, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Till next time-

Terry

My website is so filled with "stuff" that it can be hard to find certain information. So maybe I should use this blog to highlight things that may otherwise be hard to find.

Here is my latest speaking schedule (come to think of it, I REALLY need to add this to my website..)

       2005

• May 2   CHADD of Eastern Oakland County (Bloomfield Hills, MI) www.eocc.homestead.com
• May 13 ADDA Annual Conference (Tucson AZ) www.add.org
• Sept 30 Michael Golds Annual Conference (Farmington Hills, MI) http://www.chaddmi.com/id14.html
• October 8  CHADD of NW MICHIGAN 3rd annual AD/HD Conference (Traverse City, MI) http://www.chaddmi.com/
• October 29 CHADD National (Dallas, TX) www.chadd.org

I'll add more as they come up. Interesting in having me present at your function? Email me at terry@addconsults.com

Terry

Wendy just published her new book and it looks like a winner. It's titled "When Too Much Isn't Enough: Ending the Destructive Cycle of AD/HD and Addictive Behavior". She covers all kind of addictions: drug, sex, gambling, internet and more. Gotta read it.....

                                                            Check it out HERE