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[WordToHilo]

Hello! Jesca here and I am the employee with mostly ADD type attributes working in a small office under a boss with more ADHD attributes.

I'm having issues and I am longwinded for the most part. You may think I'm just complaining at work and that's cool. But this situation is every day for me and I'm not sure I can handle it. Help figuring out my options would be nice. Anybody a good helper? Gold stars will be awarded.

I was hired by this woman, let's call her Jane, on the spot in January. We hit it off and I thought, "Finally a job that won't suck!" Famous last words? Well it does suck.

There have been a few different employee changes in the office and since those changes my boss has increasingly become a bully towards me. I noticed her passive aggressive tendencies immediately after my hire but now I find her tone and delivery to be inappropriate and demeaning. I often have flashbacks to my own passive aggressive mother's reactionary outbursts when I was like thirteen.

One of the changes in the office included a change in my responsibilities to include almost all the data entry. This was previously done by Jane and only the owner before her. It was definitely a boost to be recognized as having that potential after only three months with the company. Unfortunately, the training is nil and its sink or swim. I mostly swim but sometimes I float. Data entry always needs proofing (my previous duty) and occasionally small errors do pop up.

Let me just say, I am all about taking responsibility for my mistakes. No exceptions. No excuses. But to have someone approach and say "Why would you do this?" in a VERY nasty tone, it gets hard. Other behavior includes extreme micromanagement. No, not a micromanager. I'm cool if I know your expectations but if you are my only resource for information (see: nonexistant training) or authorization and when approached by me (just me, she loves everyone else) you respond with a nasty stinging comment, usually something that feels like "Are you dumb?" but sounds like "Noooo, you take this paper and put it here. And thennnn, you go over here and do this..." Another variation on this would be her total lack of acknowledgement of my existence or request for assistance. Helpful when I later get scolded for not knowing the answer and not asking her!

You got insert the nasty voicetone for yourself, i suppose. Her new ways to make me want to scream are: Eavesdropping from another room on my phone calls to clients and not allowing me to do MY job (pointing out follow-ups and such, most of which i have already been attempted.)

Each day this week, she has listened to me on a phone call, just eavesdropping and hearing only my side of the conversation. Then promptly after I hang up, comes down to correct me. Example: On phone with client re: prepayment required for new clients. I explain the options available (cash or check, how modern) and he continued to hem and haw about getting it there the next day. I suggest Fedex or UPS and he asked directly if there was any other way. I told him that in the past some clients have been allowed to fax a copy of a check that is to be in the mail the same day but I can't authorize that but I could connect him with Jane or the bookeeper. After the call, she approached saying 'who's decision? There's no decision. Every new client has to prepay. Why are you even allowed to talk on the phone?' Oh, and in front of coworkers.

Or the speech including the idea that I should tell clients that 'you know if you dial our number into your fax machine and press send, we should get it." While I was speaking to a good long time client calling about the fact that a fax he had sent three times, had never been acknowledged and we had never received. Something tells me, I would have gotten scolded for repeating her script.

Each mistake I make IS the end of the world. Did you know? Armegeddon comes nearer with each missed period at the end ST. or AVE. Tell your friends. Confess your sins before I mistype a name or forget to date a paper that clearly has the date at the top. May God have mercy on you all.

My favorite of all: After seeing papers that I had added the usual post it tabs indicating clients needing updated forms to be sent, I was told - "If your doing this when I'm not around, it makes me wonder what else you are doing. Sometimes I worry that you can't be left without supervision!" In front of a new coworker, like his second or third day. Lovely.

Please keep in mind that I have a very strongth work ethic. Yes, I am a total slacker in every other aspects of my life but I work hard. I came in figured out the job and got into a better position that is key to the company's workload and revenue. it's actually a great job for ADD/hdtv folks. Moving around as I work. If i'm not down to do this one thing, I can do this other thing instead (within certain priorities.) The job itself I love. Well, maybe not love but its good.

At first, I would just do what she asked and try not to react to the shock of her communication style. Then later I would ask to talk and just simply say "When you did/said ___________ it had a real negative sting to it. I am not objecting to the message you were trying to relay but rather the way it was delivered." She always apologized and admitted she "kinda thought about it" after she said it.

Um, in my life when that happens, I go into my head, chew it up and spit it back out. Try and recognize what happens when I start to feel that way and what not...

But after hearing her joke of "yeah, people tell me i'm a B**** all the time. That's me a controlling b----." and then laughing her head off, it makes me think that she has no interest in change or possibly any real acknowledgement of her behavior. And now i have no motivation approach her.

So the next obvious choice is to find a new job...those fall out of the sky right? The whole process makes me depressed and my self esteem plummets. And even if I find a new job who's to say it wouldn't be worse?

Past leadership training and experience teaching makes me yearn for an employer who cares, knows what they want, and can communicate those needs. Talking to folks 'round here, it seems that doesn't actually exist for anyone.

That leads me to the idea of quitting the job world altogether. Find something I can do to support myself that doesn't involve people who aren't down with being positive and creative. But i am at a loss. I'm super artsy but the whole small business thang is daunting.

This draws out a larger concern of mine-I have nobody in my life that really represents what I want for myself. I am the creative person in my family, no really. No artistic mentors. I know of no one close that has dropped it all to do their own thing. Or small business types. Or life gurus.

The whole situation at work drains me physically and I know its not healthy for the membrane either. I feel like I am at a point in the journey to be dramatic and idealistic by bucking the system. But would you walk off the plank? I'm afraid I don't even know which ship the plank is on.

So, if you are still reading...you are a rock star.

Help a sista out and say something!

Jesca
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